March Madness: Weigh-in No. 1

This week at meeting we talked about detours: the things that get us off-track, and also the strategies that help us come back to the right path (i.e., being on program). Mentally, I had been pretty off program for awhile prior to the onslaught of March Madness. I was basically bored with the program. I had fallen out of love with WW (it’s not you…it’s me…), stopped saying “No” food pushers (fucking gateway Oreos) and was really not paying attention to my hunger signals (which is integral to success on Core). Before MM started I hadn’t been tracking last week; as soon as the challenge was afoot I got out my 3 month tracking guide, started tracking and also meal planning for the latter half of the week. It paid off! I am down 3.5 lbs from my last weigh-in (which ALMOST compensates for my gains last time around). This leaves me with 4.5 - 6.5 pounds to lose before my weigh-in April 2nd - totally achievable in 3 weeks time!

Shanny mentioned that the object of March Madness was to lose 8 -10lbs by the end of March through healthy and intelligent means. I almost got aboard the choo choo train of stupid / overdoing it last night. I went to a volleyball practice right after work so I didn’t get the chance put in the 5 km I usually run on Tuesdays. The practice SUCKED. I barely worked up a sweat at all. I got home from practice at 9:00ish and had really weird anxiety about not having worked out enough this week and almost went for a late night gym session. After all, I biked instead of doing interval (running) training the day before to give my knees a break from the impact, and biking is basically pointless.

Yup, that was my logic.

Pretty sound, eh?

Not!

So, I had a mental intervention with myself, turned down the retarded train of thought I was on, and went to bed. I have been having enough difficulty getting up in the morning since day light savings time started, I don’t need to add late night work-outs to my schedule because of some crazy notion that I haven’t worked out enough (I went through all 28 of my activity points). I noted in my last post that I am least successful when I am tired; being well-rested is waaaaaaaay more important / useful / healthy / intelligent than being ridiculous about exercise.

March Madness: To Succeed, or Not To Succeed…

(I am about to brave the snow to hit up the grocery store and am blogging to get me in a making-good-choices space.)

As part of the March Madness challenge I am asking myself, and you: what makes you succeed?

For the purposes of this entry, success is defined in terms of weight loss at the weigh-in.

I succeed when…I make a point to go to the gym and don’t succumb to the call of the couch.

I succeed when…I track everything I eat.

I succeed when…I say “No.”

To food pushers.

I succeed when…I eat dairy.

Bwwaa? You ask. Is milk that helpful with the digestive process? Does it have magical properties? Both are possible options. I suspect this is more of a spurious success. As a lactose intolerant person I am often reticent to do the dairy thing. But, if I take lactaid, I can totally digest cheese or yogurt. If I am eating dairy, it is generally because I am closely following the good health guidelines.

I succeed when…I STOP the for/against argument that goes on in my head about whether or not to make a bad food choice.

If I get into a debate with myself about whether I should, for example, buy Oreos, the “for” side always wins. I exercise a lot so that always seems like a good reason to consume stupid amounts of cookies. When I recognize and halt this discussion, I succeed.

I succeed when…I plan for tomorrow’s success today. (I totally stole that turn of phrase from Shanny.)

Specifically, I succeed when I do a bunch of cooking Sunday to get me through the week. I live alone, so there is no one else to do the cooking for me until I get a beautiful, topless man servant. When I pack lunches, and have a few back-up dinners in the fridge I succeed. I tend to go to the gym after work, and have volleyball 2 nights a week in addition to that, so if I don’t have a good food choice waiting for me I make poor choices.

I succeed when…I snack!

I am not a big snacker. A notorious p4p pre-WW behaviour was to go hungry in the afternoon time and then overeat at dinner. So, when I have a healthy snack at 2:00-3:00 in the afternoon I don’t get the post-work hunger spike that leads to poor choices.

I succeed when…I am well rested.

Overtired p4p makes POOR decisions. She’ll eat out, nap instead of gym, etc. and she feels more like eating chips than alert p4p. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I succeed the least when I am not well rested.

Hopefully going into this week aware of what makes me succeed will facilitate my success.

Yours in varyingly constant vigilance,

p4p

I pity the (April) fool: a challenge

My weight roller coaster is irritating the shit out of me. So, I have decided to set a goal: to lose 8-10lbs by April fools day (or more accurately, April 2nd, when I actually weigh-in). I am currently 174lbs (according to my last weigh-in, which admittedly followed a binge night); so, the goal is to weigh-in at 164-166 lbs the day following April fools. I have an adult prom / ball / thingme where I have to dress nice coming up on April the 12th and I am determined to look smoking hot at it. It’ll be like a reward for given’r for a month. I believe I can do it. And…

Joining me in this March Madness is Lady Shanny, whose blog http://ladyshanny.wordpress.com/ you should probably visit more often than mine if you prefer useful advice to bitter and melancholic rants.

 

nearly 30 with a standard deviation of 5ish

Last weigh-in I had lost a total of 27 lbs! That’s like nearly 30! I was out of the 170s and into the 160s, which felt hella closer to the 150s. All was well.

This weigh-in I was up 5 lbs. Five pounds in one week! That takes some forserious effort. And also an eat-a-palooza the night before my 8:00am weigh-in. So, this week I am back to having lost 22 lbs which is closer to 20 than 30 and I am back in the 170s. I am like a roller coaster of weight fluctuation.

same numbers, same girl

Formerly 196, I now weigh 169; I am down 3.5 from my last weigh in (last week).

Working out is still a challenge most of the time.

If I buy a box of cookies or a half dozen scones I will still eat way, way too many of them instead of keeping some for later.

I seriously consider eating an entire pizza to myself for dinner most nights.

I have low confidence despite a most excellent facade.

But, now I make better choices (most of the time).

spaghetti squash = not bullshit (forserious)

I have a deep, undying, unnatural love for pasta. I can probably attribute most of my weight gain to deliciously wonderful, gluttonous-in-magnitude pasta consumption.

Recently I have made the switch to spaghetti squash (in lieu of pasta). And it is good. Forserious!

I know what you are thinking, squash is no pasta. This is true. I was pretty reticent to try it, too. But now that I have I make it like twice a week. If you have yet to try it, give’r a go.

How to Cook Spaghetti Squash

• Cut in Half (if too difficult to cut fork some holes in it and toss er in the microwave for 3 min)
• Remove innards of squash (not unlike you would a pumpkin)
• Put cut-side down on cookie sheet in some water
• Cook at 350 for half an hour
• FORK out squash
• Consume

I usually make it like I would pasta - top it off with tomato sauce or pesto - either way is pretty delicious. I also cook up meatballs or turkey sausage to have with it. Freaking glorious.

are you losing weight?

I have lost a bit over 20 pounds. It looks like I have lost a bit over 20 pounds. But I still have friends - who I see on a regular basis (i.e., weekly) - who still ask me: “are you losing weight”? Yes, I am losing weight. We went over this last week. You can tell cause of the skinnier.

Maybe this is their way of acknowledging my ongoing progress?

…It’s still awkward.

Then, I have another close friend who refuses to acknowledge any weight fluctuation on my part because some sort of politeness issue.

Reactions to weight loss are weird.

self esteem

I am having some forserious self esteem issues lately that have nothing at all to do with weight.

I have this stupid 15-year-old-esq crush on a friend of mine who I am fairly sure does not reciprocate. I see him once a week for a team thing and every time I get all worked up beforehand like maybe today he’ll let me know he has a deep, undying love for me and secretly wants to make babies with me, or you know will let me know he doesn’t have a girlfriend, or will flirt - even a little. But it never happens. He’s probably not into me. And I realize this every time we part ways and I feel a little stupid. Correction: I feel straight up like shit wondering if it makes him feel awkward that his friend has the puppyloves for him. (Note: I am on the verge if tears here.)

It would make me feel uncomfortable too if I knew someone was really into me and I just didn’t feel it back.

I know I should get over it and flirt with other guys and look for other options in people accessible to me, people who think I’m the shiznit. But, I’ve never been any good at flirting. I have always been one of the guys so I never exactly mastered the flirting thing. Then, I got bigger and decided against flirting thing, deciding guys probably weren’t into me because I wasn’t worthwhile. Now I am feeling good about myself, that is, until highschool p4p kicks in every Thursday fucking night and bludgeons the shit out of my self esteem.

sick of it

I went out to an infamous burger joint Friday with some friends. It was crazy busy and I didn’t get to eat till like 8:30. So I overate. And I felt like crap afterward. Full-on nauseated. I didn’t actually enjoy the fried food nor eating way more of it than necessary.

And so marked the end of my hiatus.

Reader, you may have noticed my lack of blogging. I also stopped attending meetings / weighing-in for 2 weeks. During the first week I overate at almost every dinnertime (a notorious pre-WW behaviour). I ate out most every day for lunch. I ate a forserious amount of Oreos and also pizza. I was sick of the WW bullshit and keeping track of what I ate and meal planning and packing lunches and not eating copious amounts of glorious chocolate whenever the urge hit. I felt like french fries. And baked goods. And napping. And ignoring whatever is going on in my life that I am unhappy with. And I am sick of it.

You know what I am not sick of? I am not sick of getting compliments about my weight loss. I am not sick of my pants getting looser and looser. I am not sick of having more energy than I have had in years. I am not sick of being better at volleyball because I am carrying less weight. I am not sick of going to the gym - I don’t always enjoy exercising, but I do like what it is doing for me. I am not sick of muscles peeking out of my previously undefined legs. I am not sick of becoming healthier and focusing on what is good for me instead of what is good for parasitic friend-types.

And so I attended my meeting this morning and am down 6 lbs from last weigh-in.

It seems I wasn’t entirely off track during my two-week rut. WW has taught me how to eat better, even when I am forseriously down on myself. The loss could also have something to do with me starting to train for a 10 km run that is in a few months.

So, I have come to realize I am sick of my ad hoc eating practices, and am back on track.

At least for the time being.

blag

I had a really good blog planned for when I finally reached my 10% goal. It was going to involve talking about things that worked for me and things that haven’t and it was all going to pithily lead to a glorious plan for the future. Instead, I gained .5 instead of losing 1 and am feeling generally lousy. Has weight loss fucked with anyone else’s period? I have had it like 3 times in the last 6 weeks; I’m anemic so I’m tired as shit, grumpy and generally awesome to be around.